YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
