I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
