i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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