Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
