She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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