sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
