he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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