My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
