Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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