He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
