You're my little dorito
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
