i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
