we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
