She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
