Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
