Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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