Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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