I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
