i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
