rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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