Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
