So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize