I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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