grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
