apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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