My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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