lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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