32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
