considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize