I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
