Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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