i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
