'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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