and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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