These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize