I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
