The maid of honor just puked.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize