great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
