Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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