Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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