i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
