Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize