guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
