I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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