3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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