he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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