the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize