so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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