so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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