I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
