My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
