my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
