oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
