if you like me you must not know who I am
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
