Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Randomize
