I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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