Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
