I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
