Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
