Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
