Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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