I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize