We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
