mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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