3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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