does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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