In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
