you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
