My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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