I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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