I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Panties = found
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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