i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
