Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
