Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
