you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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