u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
