went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
