omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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