***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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