I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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