he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
