I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
