finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
