Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
