Sry I called you an 8
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
