apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
