I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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