he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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