Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize