if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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