VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
