Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize