somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
